For more info & schedule qwocmap.org/festival.html

It’s the art of getting into a bottom’s head and playing with their fears and desires. It’s the art of pain for the sake of the top’s pleasure. Combine the two and you have a recipe for delight. In this program, Marilyn will walk us through the intricacies of teasing: knowing what tantalizes and terrifies, and playing with it for her pleasure. She’ll show us how to craft a scene to get off on the discomfort, embarrassment, and pain of others. She’ll discuss the fine line between teasing and humiliation, and show you how liberating it is to admit, or be forced to face, what you secretly want and need. And since we know you don’t like all talk and no action, come see how Marilyn is determined to get what she wants, and to share with all of us!

Presenter Bio

Marilyn has been active in the BDSM community since 1985. She is a sadist, a bitch, a mistress, and a control freak with an intense blood lust and a passion for passion. She is a fat femme top who likes to play very hard, and has a special affection for slut masochists. She’ll also bottom on occasion for very special very bad tops. She loves to teach, and adores public speaking…anything to have control over a roomful of people! She has presented at Black Rose, Ladyfest, Leather Traditions, Venus’ Playground, IMsL, LLC, LLW, and the Exiles. She was an officer with the Exiles for 10 years, and is now on the board of LLW.

Pointed and shiny, needles hold a special fascination for many of us, whether it’s from vaguely unpleasant doctor’s office memories, or our innate discomfort with the possibility of injury inherent in sharp objects – blood is both thrilling and frightening. In wicked and competent hands, a needle becomes, like so many other discomfiting objects, a tool for pleasure, pain, and erotic sensation. And in contrast to impact toys, needles can be safely used most anywhere on the body, and create no noise!

Play piercing can form the basis for a deeply intimate and meditative scene. It can be incorporated into a variety of role play scenarios. It can be layered with other types of sensation in a scene with multiple dimensions. And piercing can be practically pain-free and bloodless, or designed to be excruciating and to stimulate blood flow. If nothing else, going into someone’s body in that way, both requires and stimulates deep trust, understanding, and bonding between partners.

This class will give novices a solid foundation in basic piercing safety, and also, using innovative demos, hopes to prompt experienced piercing enthusiasts to think about needles in new and exciting ways. We’ll also talk about blood safety, negotiation, and aftercare. Finally, several assistants will provide attendees the chance to experience the sensation of being pierced themselves, the opportunity to pierce one of the helpers, or the option to be coached through piercing or being pierced by another attendee (if you brought someone with you or can find a piercing trick before class or during the break!).

Presenter Bio(s)

Karen (the artist formerly known as Estrella) is a genderqueer Femme Domme, and SM Top, who has lived and breathed BDSM for the last twenty years. It’s amused her to discover just how useful a degree in Communications and training as a conflict mediator have been in her ongoing exploration and communication about kink. Although she can wield a whip expertly and enjoys inflicting all kinds of delicious torture, her absolute favorite toy is her mind, and she most enjoys play that is mentally challenging.

Estrella has presented for QSM, Fantasy Makers Academy, The Center for Sex and Culture, The Exiles, and Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, as well as for conferences including DomDominion, Folsom Fringe, and Living in Leather.

Join the Exiles for a Women’s Social this month! We’re holding an admission-free event at our March program, where we will elect new officers and welcome all women (and those whose gender identity is other than male) to join us for some fun! We’ll have demos and mini-classes on a wide variety of subjects – pervertables, tea service, animal play, corset-tying, rhythmic caning, chain maille jewelry, needles, and much more. Plus speed-tricking organized by Ms. Cat, proprietor of the Eclipse women’s parties at the Citadel. Bring your own unique and interesting toys for a kinky Show and Tell. Refreshments and Cake will be served.

Presenter Bio(s)

Opening Statement

Attendees: 35

WHAT’S WORKING

1. Regular monthly programs: seeing people, getting BDSM
2. Involved with other groups like QUOCMAP and CUAV
3. Like being in a room of hot women
4. Women’s space (however you perceive that)
5. When Exiles does something, always follow-through: communication to the general population is clear, and people fill needs
6. Level of participation: like when people are really engaged (volunteers) and in the programs.
7. Like the open mic, which I didn’t think we did this year
8. Place in the leather community
9. Officers’ commitment to the organization has been incredible.
10. At the beginning of programs we have a chance for announcement, the “Church Announcements”.
11. Like that we have deep programming on innovative topics on all levels (beginner to expert)
12. Like seeing faces I’ve never seen before; influx of younger people
13. Seeing the Exiles visible in the larger leather community
14. Like the way Exiles supported the first year of MsSFL, and since.
15. Like dyke culture
16. A place to come home to, to see people I don’t see anywhere else
17. Thank you to officers who have supported and kept the group going.
18. Like how many people are here
19. Like having an Exiles booth with our logo on it that you can see from far away
20. Like that the Exiles have always been focused on education
21. Made me feel comfortable as a big woman in my body
22. Make me feel comfortable as a non-standard gender-variant woman
23. Cruising and schmoozing
24. Programs are good; in my first year I was interested in almost all of them.

LOVE TO SEE

1. Have leadership that brings in leaders; want to hear things from a cross-section of people, not just teachers. Perhaps more of a peer thing. Train the trainers.
2. Concern about the average age in this room; many of us are tired.
3. Many of us have other organizations we’re members of; where do you put your allegiance and energy?
4. Was told I couldn’t go because I wasn’t a lesbian. Need to better communicate who is welcome.
5. Lack of clear information about expectations of members. Dues, but what else? Perhaps an hour of my time?
6. Folks are accessing BDSM in different ways now. Our challenge is adapting to meet that challenge. Do outreach in different ways. Have different kinds of events (e.g., open mic).
7. Lack of interesting programs. We have world-class presenters here; why aren’t we utilizing them.
8. Small number of people at the core of the group/volunteers. Perhaps we don’t think of things because we’re a small group.
9. Not enough volunteers.
10. Suggest: orientation connected to an event (perhaps before).
11. Suggest: informal social time (much, bar night, speed dating)
12. Communicating about the programs. (Most in the room didn’t know what the January program is.)
13. Volunteers are burned out
14. Parking sucks at The Women’s Building
15. We can treat each other better
16. Don’t see Exiles out there. Don’t see Exiles branded people at events.
17. Would like to see more sex in the Exiles. Gang Bang program was the first time saw sex at a program.
18. Venue is damaging to the Exiles. Difficult with dance or hymns in nearby rooms.
19. The venue isn’t warm.
20. Need mentorship of younger people into leadership positions.
21. Used to be excited to go to every program, but it became insular:  became more about how to get people there then about quality of education.
22. Issues with spending $$ to promote ourselves where we didn’t need to. Specifically a $17 ad is just as important as $250 at MrSFL. Instead pay for mentoring, supplies, time.
23. Business meetings are tedious and not welcoming. Need to esp give younger people support and mentoring.
24. Moving forward comes down to making decisions; unsure about how decisions are made. Perhaps it’s too hard to get decisions made. Takes a long time to change how the club does business (changing Articles and Policies).
25. Hard to find the Articles on the web site.
26. We don’t let people come in late, so folks coming from far away may not come because they might not even be able to get in.

SURVEY RESULTS

1. High: Welcomed when attending events
2. Lower (approx <3 out of 5 stars): Feel included, Happy with leadership of Exiles officers
3. Many comments in these areas: Friendliness (greeters?), Leadership (enthusiastic participation by leadership in leather events, participation of negativity in leadership), Openness (more transparency and more communication, ), Outreach (more outreach to east bay and north bay, more events and activities outside SF), Programs (don’t want the same people presenting all the time, need more social time)
4. Survey Results will be online

Comment from Cholla: Membership has the power to change the club to be anything we want. The current officers are stepping down. Solution suggestions will go to the new leadership.

SOLUTIONS

1. Came here tonight to support the business group. Appreciate that you’re not going to run again because you’re burned out. If there’s no energy the club will dwindle to nothing. We can close down. If we do, it would create a gap. Someone else would fill to create a new club, but that’s one of the hardest thing you will ever do, but sometimes it’s what you need to do.
2. There will always be a place for this kind of organization.
3. Need to do strategic planning. It’s more than just setting goals for the year. Survey is great. Look at resources; sometimes when you see what resources you have, it needs to go away and re-birth.
4. Don’t want to give up on it, but times have changed. Need to look at how we teach. Power in mentorship and teaching 1-1 that you don’t get on the internet or other places. How do we provide that for women in our community?
5. We don’t honor our burnout well, and step away when we need to. Need to do healing around perceived favoritism, such as “you’re never going to teach here because you made a mistake 15 years ago”.
6. Fear of going to meetings because I would volunteer again.
7. Have some specific ideas about programs, like have 3 people negotiate a scene and do it.
8. Like having a Meet and Greet.
9. Important: Nobody turned away for lack of funds; need to educate people how to take advantage of that.
10. Not all officers are stepping down. Some will continue if there is change. You can run against an officer if you think you can do better. You can also help officers do their jobs.
11. Articles written a long time ago; can be changed. Feel free to participate in that.
12. Want a group to continue. Could be the Exiles or not. Will step up.
13. Transparency: whoever steps up will require the willingness to say I’ve never done this before, or teach me to do it differently. Here because it’s vital to who we are. We identify with the group.
14. Need to identify the young ones who are already a leader. I am willing to step in.
15. Maybe programs more than once a month, with one being open to a larger community (queer, men, etc).
16. Look into a new location. Willing to talk to The Looking Glass. Have to look at locations that draw people from San Jose and Sunnyvale. Deal with traffic issues.
17. Perhaps change door policy.
18. Desperately hope the group continues.
19. Start the program earlier to allow for more socializing; perhaps dinner beforehand. Extend afterwards for socializing, perhaps go to the Citadel afterwards.
20. Suggestion box at the monthly program.
21. Online: a monthly survey after each program.
22. Can we do an additional event like Novice Night or Carnal Carnival? These are great events, so more.
23. Having been on the business list, the tone is sometimes hard, but shit gets done.
24. Willing to reach out to Feel More has a shop in the east bay, perhaps for an orientation, perhaps to outreach to customers.
25. Will organize social time: cock sucking at Powersurge, bar night, dinner.
26. Can we have polls online to vote for when to go out? (postponed the discussion of “how”)
27. Not sure if all officers are stepping down.
28. Thanking those who put into the Articles about how to disband the club if we decide to.
29. If we go forward, want to move outside our circles (QUOCMAP, film fest, CUAV, SFState).
30. Existing member and officers: challenge you to “tap” someone to volunteer for the group.
31. Don’t think the club is at the point to go away; it’s changing. Officers: pat yourself on the back. We’re good at “armchair” leadership. Maybe we don’t need all of the volunteers that we have at every program. We can perhaps run “leaner and meaner” if we don’t have all the people.
32. Center for Sex and Culture. Mission Control: could have biz meeting, then program, then social and play!
33. We are a 501(c)3, which is important.
34. Maybe like LDG: Focus on men, leadership is men, all welcome.
35. Maybe lower dues.
36. We don’t appreciate our leaders enough. Maybe go out of our way, like massages or something else that shows appreciation.
37. Perks of volunteering: people need to know. Give people stuff for volunteering.
38. We need an Exiles app with little popups.
39. Board vs us: keep hearing the board is doing this or that, or isn’t friendly, or whatever. We as a group need to take this on ourselves.
40. In previous years we did a lot of officer and volunteer appreciation. Previously there was a committee for programs. Willing to volunteer for that.
41. Want us to feel like membership: want back patches. Want someone to say they’re a member and have it mean something. We underestimate our influence.
42. When we complain about our attendance at programs it’s still larger than at most programs at the Citadel.
43. Do not want the group to disband. We have a lot of power; need to reorganize ourselves to meet our goals.
44. Want to have something in the local businesses to make sure the Exiles are identified as the local resource for women’s BDSM.
45. Think we will survive, but we needed this wakeup call because stuff doesn’t just happen.
46. Maybe not have monthly meetings for a while. Perhaps one month it’s social, and the next it’s presentation.
47. Most people present do not live in SF.
48. Half of the people in the room are willing to volunteer, some only if things change.
49. Great that it’s a welcome space for those not male; inclusive. Fun, sexy, energetic, reach out to other groups, support other group. Be a group that thrives. Women can do what needs doing.
50. Preference that officers should step down, but be around and mentor.
51. Need the Exiles; the only way to access this community.
52. Web site has a facility to allow comments; just need a login. Contact Countess to get one.
53. Communicate, communicate, and communicate: We have a lot of the things that people have suggested are things we have, or have done. People just don’t know about them.
54. Welcoming/coldness: We need to divorce ourselves from this building. The Citadel might be a solution. Perfect timing to work with the people at the Citadel to create something awesome.
55. Mentorship: former officers can be a resource for the new folks who want to get involved. Willing to be a resource regarding Membership, Coordinator, and liaison to the Citadel.
56. Make it easier to join.
57. Great for officers to step down. Generally true, but because nobody else has stepped up. Some other orgs have term limits.
58. Need to revamp the Fringe; include more information about what’s going on.
59. River has volunteered to do P-R.

NEXT STEP

1. Mailing List
2. Attend the biz meetings in February and March.

COMMENTS RECEIVED AFTER THE MEETING, ON CARDS

1. Meet somewhere else; too hard to park. Perhaps CSC?
2. More social events.
3. It is so hard to get people to remember when a regular meeting is; please don’t change the meeting day.
4. I agree with not cleaning up so quickly after a meeting so we can socialize.
5. Only need 1 door person and 1 supplies person.
6. Mission Control sounds great.
7. Door policy need changing so people can come in after 8, just not in & out.
8. Outreach: It would be great to hear from folks not in the Exiles community. What would get them to an event? Surveying women at the Velvet & women’s parties might be one way to get feedback.
9. Biz meetings in SF: Look into a venue to replace police station. Some folks are alienated by police.
10. Diversify Events: Open mics, kinky craft night, etc.
11. Programs: Alternate between SF and Oakland
12. Orientation: The idea of having them before a program is brilliant!
13. Gender Policy: I saw 3 comments about it on the survey. Do we need to revisit the language? Move to a model like LDG?
14. If #’s have dropped how much of that is from people moving? People choosing to economize? Do you have knowledge of who may or may not have had issues with other members of the board? How transparent are the board meetings? How do you get feedback on presentations? Do you take feedback? How do issues get resolved? What issues are currently most pressing? How do you attract new blood? What are you looking for from new blood? Do you want more or less from the group as a whole? What do new/prospective members feel is lacking?
15. Change to Avatar (LA Org) policy + for a no one turned away. Have them do a few volunteer things like help clean up, set up next time, etc.
16. Do more in the EB. Looking Glass for classes?
17. Exiles Calendar.

DEMOGRAPHIC INFORMATION RECEIVED ON CARDS

1. Live in Sacramento
2. Live on the Peninsula, best to meet in SF or Peninsula, I generally drive or BART, Fri or Sat are good for program meetings.
3. From Orinda
4. Live in Oakland, Friday night is hard. Prefer other nights or weekend afternoons.
5. From the North Bay
6. Life in SF. Friday is a good day for meeting. When raining, travel by motorcycle. When not, by truck.
7. Drive from Santa Rosa.
8. Live in San Rafael. Fridays are OK. Earlier would be good too.
9. Live I SF. Take public transportation. Programs on Fridays work for me.
10. Lake Merrit Area, take BART/Muni/AC Transit/My bike! Fridays, Saturday, Sunday afternoon.
11. San Francisco, Mission District, car or bicycle.

VOLUNTEERING NOTES RECEIVED ON CARDS

1. <name withheld for privacy>:  I live in Sacramento. I’m often in service in E. Bay, which means often my time is not my own. BUT – I am available to volunteer for things that can be done remotely or that only requires me to work in person a few times a year.
2. <name withheld for privacy>: I live in Oakland, Friday night is hard. Prefer other nights or weekend afternoons. I’m grateful to the officers who have served. I would love to support Rio to stay on as co-coordinator, but I’d like to see *all* new people on the board. And if that happens, I’d consider doing the East Bay orientation meetings.
3. <name withheld for privacy>: Want to take a board position wherever I’d fit best.

I Want Some Hot Stuff, Baby… We’ve all seen someone rub ‘Icy Hot’ or some other muscle rub on the bottom, but how safe is this? What kind of things can you do to heat up your play? Do you know what figging is? Have you considered nettles? Are there any interesting things to do with spices? How about hot oils? What if we need to stop it right away? We will demonstrate a few things that make your bottom think their skin is coming off. We’ll also show you ways to douse that pain. We’ll give you some tips on what not to use. And to top it off, we’ll show you a couple of tricks with fire, including cupping.

Presenter Bio(s)

Coming Soon, in the meantime check here

Face slapping, spanking, bondage, pounding penetration, role playing, talking smut? Sound like you? If you are already doing some of these things, here’s your chance to dive deeper into the sea of Rough Sex. In this hot, fun, new class sex and BDSM educator and coach Felice Shays works with individuals and couples addressing your specific questions answered through live demonstrations. A fast paced, interactive (optional) evening, this class assumes you are already delving into some (or a lot) of rough play during sex and are ready for the next level – whatever that is for you.

Presenter – Felice Shays

Where respect, straight talk, and sex collide is where you’ll find Felice Shays. Providing personal sexual and BDSM education and counseling for the past decade in the US and Canada, Felice has been featured in print and on T.V. encouraging people to do breathtaking sexual feats. Living in Portland OR, this Brooklyn-In-Her-Heart Femme has presented at a plethora of events including Good For Her, Black Rose, Pacific Friction, Dark Odyssey, Babeland, LSM, TES, Kinky Kollege, Wicked Womyn, Shebop, KinkFest, Sugar, Tribal Fire, MOB, Come As You Are, The Exiles, Desire, Thunder In The Mountains, Kinky Kollege, and Bringing Age Out Of The Closet. She is currently working on her new book about rough sex, Brutal Affection.

“How do I safely fuck with someone’s mind?” If you want the answer to that question, this class is for you! I will get those creative wheels turning in your mind. Learn how to intensify the tricks that you already know by adding Mind Fucks and Mental Games to your toy bag. Turn the volume up, put a bit of a scare in ‘em, get their undivided attention, make their hair stand up on end, and get every goose bump on the alert. Up the ante of your Dominance/submission (D/s) with simple commands. That girl, smart-ass masochist or submissive will go down for you more intensely. Learn how to use the simplest things — your voice, a blindfold, a look. Real time demonstrations will allow you to watch the effects of mind fucks/mental games on an unsuspecting bottom.

You will receive a handout of the class contents and a resource list of books and movies.

Presenter Bio(s)

Rope Wolf is an American Indian/Irish butch that grew up in San Francisco. When not working for the corporate dollar, hy writes erotica and short stories, and speaks and teaches on behalf of the LBGT community on a variety of topics, including BDSM. Hy is a member of Alameda County Leather Corp.,TheExiles.org, MasT (Masters and slaves Together) and co-founder of www.ButchFemmeSocials.com.

Other workshops or classes hy has presented:

• Leather Traditions S.F., presented a workshop on D/s protocols and rituals
• “Six Bondage Tricks for your Toy Bag” at Exiles, San Francisco 2005
• “Knife Play” at NLA-Dallas 2002
• “Erotic D/s 24/7-Beginning to Intermediate” at IMsL 2007, Mayhem Canada 2009
• “Bondage for Beginners” at IMsL 2008
• “Beginning Fisting” at LLW 2007
• “Fire Play” at the S.F. Citadel 2008